Happiness...

Everyday I wake up in the morning and hope that I can keep myself and others happy... I am not aware what others feel but at the end of the day when I look back at myself and ask the question that whether "I am happy or not"...the answer is "I dont know"...surely I am happier than what I was sometime back...but being happier compared to some other situation is not what happiness is...surely not...it cant be like that...happiness is what frees our soul from the dirt inside...its that what you feel when you see your parent's joy at your success...its what you feel when your love holds on to your arms for the first time...happiness is when you feel that someone fears losing you...its when you feel that you are doing something just to bring a smile on that person's face...and its when you feel to do those things again and again just to see that person smiling. But life is not the smiling "roller-coaster" for everyone, perhaps that is life's biggest lesson. I fear that I am running away from these moments of happiness...but is this what I want?...I dont think so but every night when I go to bed I know that I am closer to the world where I dont belong...I want to come back...I really do...and rediscover my lost happiness...